SYUSSHI KAMAL

Unexplainable. It's one of the days,,, not the usual. It rarely happens, but when those feelings came, it suffocates me. I can't think of happiness. Life suddenly is all shitty. It made me realize my life. Why is it like this?Like.... Why can't I get happiness? If people around me can be happy, why can't I? It's suffocating. I need a walk. I need to calm the fuck down. I need to breathe the air, to look at the sky, telling myself that it's gonna be okay. This feeling is temporary. Do you know, out of every fight I've ever encountered in my whole life, the fight with myself is the hardest. It came and go anytime it wants. Well, I know what's triggering it to come out, but I don't know how to stop it. I wish I don't have feelings.

I am always a big fan of tealive. Comparing to all other boba, dulu la, tealive was the best. Before adanya Xing Fu Tang, The Alley, Daboba.... I don't know how to explain it but tealive's drinks have a smooth texture. Like,,,, ughh I seriously don't know how to explain it :( Dulu, masa aku masih lagi duduk kat Tanjung Malim, tiap kali aku pergi KL aku akan beli tealive yang coco latte tu. Sepuluh kali pergi, tiap kali tu aku akan beli flavour yang sama. Tak pernah tukar. I was obsessed! But later on, as I grow up (ceh!), I started to try other flavours. strawberry pudding, the sparkling one (I can't remember the name), signature brown sugar, etc. It's been a while since I last drank coco latte. Untuk dijadikan cerita, one day, ada seseorang ni dia suruh aku recommend Tealive apa yang best. And I suddenly remembered pasal coco latte ni. Tetiba throwback balik life dulu. Duduk dekat Tanjung Malim susah kot nak dapat Tealive, so everytime aku gi KL mest...

Harini aku kena bangun awal, shift pagi. Ni kira first time lah aku shift pagi sebab sebelum ni aku shift start jam 2 petang. Masa bangun aku dah terfikir nak makan apa untuk lunch, ye lah gerak awal mana la sempat nak tapau pape dari rumah. Rumah aku biasanya masak lunch takde ah seawal 8 pagi. On the way nak pergi mandi, mak cakap "gerak jam berapa dik? Sempat ke eh?" aku pun dengan penuh confuse jawab, "oh sempat je. Kul 8, kita siap kejap je". Aku ingat mak nak tanya sempat ke aku nak siap gi kerja sebab baru bangun, tapi lepastu mak cakap, "nak makan apa? Ikan keli boleh?" oh rupanya mak aku tanya sempat ke tak dia nak masak untuk aku tapau. Rasa nak nangis tau sebab mak bangun awal juga sebab nak masak untuk aku 😭😭😭 Disebabkan makanan masih panas, aku tak tutup bekal aku. So orang boleh nampak ada asap keluar dari beg aku hahahha. Masa nak masuk train ada sorang pakcik tengok beg aku, dia intai dalam beg aku tak tahan tu. Aku seny...

Disebabkan aku megalami krisis ekonomi yang teruk sekarang ni, telah tiba masanya untuk aku bangkit dan melawan krisis ini. Jadi, aku kerja. Aku cari kerja dekat dengan UIA, sebab aku nak kerja sambil ambil short sem. Nas cakap aku macam dalam drama korea, kerja sambil belajar hshshshs kalau camtu mungkin dalam kerja aku boleh jumpa jodoh. Ehh, ok tak lah memain je. Nak dijadikan cerita, problem aku sekarang ni adalah aku belum daftar UIA lagi dan aku dah start kerja. Jadi, jarak dari rumah aku ke tempat kerja adalah agak jauh. Tambah pula aku ni wanita independent yang bergerak sendiri tak harap sesiapa hantar dan ambil aku. Perjalan aku dari rumah ke kerja ambil masa sejam okay. Dalam sejam tu, macam-macam aku fikir. Perks of being an overthinker eheh. So, sedang aku tak buat pape dalam train, why not aku gunakan dua jam aku dalam train (pergi dan balik) untuk tulis apa yang aku fikirkan. Kalau rajin aku post kat blog ni. Jadi dari situ lah munculnya idea Random L...

Before I start, here's a song you should listen to when you're down,, So, basically, if you guys don't know, I actually have a curiouscat account where I made it for the sake of those who wanted to ask me something but were shy to do so (if there's any) or for those who have a crush on me (I believe there is none but hey whatever at least I'm giving him a platform to confess anonymously :p) and for my haters to send hate because I'm bored and I love entertaining them heheh and then ada this one question yang hit me hard,, okay lah tak sangat but question yang dia bagi ni would (in a way) be related to today's post. Kinda. Or I hope so. Well, to be honest, I don't' think I am someone yang hide their pain and stuff. Because most of the time when I go out, spending time with my friends, I forgot all the problems. It's not like I'm hiding it,  but I don't think about it. See the difference? I'd do everythi...

Andai kata bintang menyepi Bulan tidak berseri Malam menjadi sunyi Tidak berseri lagi I love how soothing this song is. It reminds me of him . You guys are going to puke but...... for me, but It's lonely when he is not around. Kinda. I guess I fall in love with the idea of having him around. His jokes are lame but never fail to make me smile. He's annoying yet he knows the boundaries, he knows when to stop. and most importantly, I like how it doesn't feel like we're forcing ourselves to keep the conversation alive. Macam that one scene dalam The Perfect Date, But, hmm. I don't know. Like I said, I don't know whether I really did like him or I just like the idea of having someone to talk to. And, the image of me and him being together,,, it's almost impossible. So... yeah. This feeling is confusing. But hey, I wanna be selfish, I wanna keep him around as long as I can. And when the time comes, everything will end. ...

Dear friends, I never thought that I would be meeting and love you guys this much.  I have been repeating this countless time, but I'm going to say this again.I'm bad at making friends, would always take weeks and even months to like a person, to accept them as a part of my life, to feel comfortable enough with them for me to show them my true self.  I never regret meeting you guys, even once! And let's be honest, if it's not because of you guys I wouldn't be staying in this club, I wouldn't join any programme. So, here's to the bunch of people who's annoying yet I know I can depend on, who never fails at making me smile and laugh everytime we meet: Thank you for accepting my annoying-ness, for listening to my neverending talking, for saying "let's go" when I said I wanna go somewhere, for being there when I need it, for accepting my flaws. I love you guys. Happy anniversary <3