SYUSSHI KAMAL

Haiii It's 2019, I'm turning 21 this year! Age is just a number, ye faham but.... I still can't accept the fact that I'm getting older, I'm no more that little girl that would cry if she doesn't get what she wants. Well, let's be honest, I still have that 'perangai' in me. If I want it, then I want it..... Something inside me is screaming, I don't wanna get old. I don't want to be old enough to make my own choice. I don't want to be independent. I want to depend on someone sobs sobs but it's not like we can choose to say smol and cute kan :') p/s: birthday aku tahun ni hari sabtu! So, 2019, what's new? It's the 22nd day of 2019 and I am still the same. Syuhada masih lagi seorang Syuhada, sitting around do nothing (okay actually I've been busy watching animes, dramas and looking after my 3 nieces) and still can't accept the fact that I'm getting older... So, my last year resolutio...

I'm not an extrovert. Obviously not an introvert. Let's just say I am something in between, probably an ambivert. I talk, a lot. God, I really can't shut my mouth, I would go crazy if I don't have anyone to talk to, hence that explains why I cried during the first two weeks in cfs iium. It's stressful to not have friends you're comfortable enough to talk to. But sometimes, when I talk too much, like too MUCH,  I would regret it at the end of the day. Why did I talk too much? :c My circle of friends is really small. I don't really know people that much, I would see the same faces for one year (masa kat CFS). The friends I met on daily basis, that is all I have and I thought, that's enough. I remembered telling Sarah about this, like how my life was okay in that moment, I don't have that many friends but everything was okay and comfortable, but Sarah told me to get out of my comfort zone. Join something, make more friends. Then during ...

Okay so these past few weeks, I've been thinking about this: love. It's annoying because it bothers me (sometimes) how am I such a loner, so- let's talk about this, shall we? Twitter has been talking about love 24/7, people around me keep reminding me how I'm still single and such a loner, my few seniors keep stressing about how they are still single and stuffs and it affects me because.... I can relate :') and I've been discussing about 'love' with my friends, our thoughts, etc. So..... I've been living for 20 years (and a few months heheh) and I have never been in a relationship. Dulu masa sekolah pun bila ada lelaki nak try aku, aku cam "hmm nope". Aku takda rasa nak bercinta kot masa tu, masa aku form one aku takde crush kat sesapa or even have any interest dekat lelaki pun, aku cam,, risau gak ah. Aku lesbian ke? HAHA But later aku cam ada gak la minat. Fuh lega aku straight! Hahahha tapi zaman sekolah dulu  ...

Assalamualaikum fans! hehe  Jadi bulan December 2018 merupakan bulan yang sangat mencabar bagi aku. To be honest, aku rasa every hujung semester aku akan jadi seorang yang sangat cengeng dan senang menangis. Tapi kalini, dugaan dia lain macam. Aku nangis setiap hari dalam satu minggu tu. Semua ni start daripada hari khamis [6 Dec 2018], sehari sebelum dinner inspire [7 Dec 2018]. Malam tu, masa batch aku practice untuk performance dinner tu, abang aku bagitau dekat WhatsApp yang ayah aku masuk hospital, sebab sakit perut. Aku committee untuk dinner, jadi aku agak sibuk dan serabut dengan preparation dinner tu. Dalam masa yang sama, aku nak lawat ayah aku. Walaupun ayah aku belum masuk wad, kena tahan dekat dekat zon kuning, tapi aku nak juga pegi hospital to see him with my own eyes. Diorang hantar ayah kat hospital Serdang, agak jauh daripada UIA. Kalau naik kereta, dia ambik masa dalam 40 minit nak sampai, naik public transport pula lagilah lama, ambik dalam 2-3 jam. ...