Inspire

I'm not an extrovert. Obviously not an introvert. Let's just say I am something in between, probably an ambivert. I talk, a lot. God, I really can't shut my mouth, I would go crazy if I don't have anyone to talk to, hence that explains why I cried during the first two weeks in cfs iium. It's stressful to not have friends you're comfortable enough to talk to. But sometimes, when I talk too much, like too MUCH,  I would regret it at the end of the day. Why did I talk too much? :c

My circle of friends is really small. I don't really know people that much, I would see the same faces for one year (masa kat CFS). The friends I met on daily basis, that is all I have and I thought, that's enough. I remembered telling Sarah about this, like how my life was okay in that moment, I don't have that many friends but everything was okay and comfortable, but Sarah told me to get out of my comfort zone. Join something, make more friends.


Then during my third semester in CFS, I met a friend. Called her Tini. She's annoying as hell, did lame jokes and when we talk, it always sounds like we're bickering but we were just talking, really. Tini is someone who enjoys socializing. Being a committee for a programme? That's her most favourite thing to do. She reallyyyy loves making new friends. serious doh..

Well, I enjoyed being a committee too. But I suck at making friends. I hate that awkward-phase you have to go through when you meet someone new. Like, I don't know what to talk about with that new friends, and when I meet someone new, I have this problem where my voice wouldn't come out really well. My voice would be really soft, no matter how loud I talked, it would come out like I'm murmuring and it's unclear that most people would think I'm an introvert? But, am I?

I'm loud, talks a lot but only when I'm with people I'm comfortable to be with. So, during our first year second semester, there's this club in IIUM called Inspire, Tini ajak me to join the club with her. Some of our acquaintance were already members of that club, then she explained what the club did and how fun it'd be. To be honest, at that moment, I just thought "oh, well let's do this. I don't really have anything to do in this campus lagipun. And facilitating? Sounds fun"

So we join the club. Bila join kelab tu kitorang kena pergi this one camp called AIT (ok aku tak ingat AIT stands untuk apa ha  ha). Korang pernah tak pergi kem masa sekolah rendah? The one yang macam kem kepimpinan and it's all about discipline. No phone, no watch, no contact to the outside world. AIT macam tu la. You're 20 but they treat you like a 12 y/o kid and it's a 3 days and 2 nights camp.

Most of my friends' first impression on me masa kem tu adalah aku someone yang tak banyak cakap. Some even cakap aku ni susah nak masuk, susah nak buat geng. I was literally glued to Tini, she did the talking, she interacts. I just sat next to her, talk when I need to, smile when I need to. Told ya I suck at making new friends. I'm not someone who would talk to strangers, I'm shy af ok.

It took me a while for me to finally feel 'comfortable' with these bunch. During the first few meets, when we had a meeting I would always said that I go because Sue was there. Sue is one of the members of the club, she's in my group and we clicked so.... the first few months the only new friend yang I like was only Sue HAHA. I went to a few camps after AIT, as a facilitator. Still don't get the vibes though. I always prayed for the camp to end fast. I'm not comfortable with them (the members of Inspire) at first.

Then, on my second year first semester, I joined a camp called KMJR2.0, where someone (idk who but u really did give me a stressful week) picked me as the programme coordinator. Me: someone who doesn't talk to strangers, who sucks when it comes to talking in public. I've never felt so useless like how I felt during KMJR2.0. but every camp has their pros and cons, right? My partner during that time was Awiz, and to be honest he's the best partner I could ever wish for. I like how he understands me, our teamwork to work together, how he always included me... and I can't forget what he said to me on the last day of the camp. I was having some-I don't know how to say it,, but hm something happened and I was hurting, inside. I swear I almost cried when we talked with abang Ijat about that 'problem'. But yeah, whatever. what happens in the camp stays in the camp. If you know, you know. Ceyhhh,,,, Other than that, KMJR2.0 actually played a great roll in creating the bond between me and my friends.

Thanks to KMJR2.0, we passed that awkward stage. Now I feel comfortable enough to lepak with them and be myself. I went from "ughhh japgi ada meeting inspire" to "korang jom lepak" with them.

And to be honest, my social life changes after I joined Inspire. It's like my circle of friends got bigger. I meet tons of new friends. I lepak with seniors too. Did I told you that growing up, I barely socialize with those who are older or younger than me? I can count with my fingers my few highschools' seniors yang I am actually comfortable enough to lepak with.

So, yeah... And I have that really crazy stage fright. I can't talk in front of crowds moreover when it's filled with strangers. But, I think it lessens.... Or I hope so. Talking in public is still something that I'm not good at. Bleghhh

Andddd instead of sitting in my room and get depressed, my schedule is now packed with things to do, to be honest, this is something I like about joining a club or programme. More activity means less time being alone, less overthink and leaves no room for depression.

So,,,, joining a club, joining Inspire was one of the best things I did. You guys should do the same, join a club, socialize. University's life would be more fun if you do that.

p/s: I love you guys, I really do :'>