Confession #1

I'm gonna make a confession here. For myself. So that a few years later when I read this post back, I would realise how stupid I was for falling in love with a friend, for loving someone a little too much that sometimes my heart ache when I think about him.






Dear you,
the cutest human being I've ever met in my 22 years old life. The one who used to make me smile all day long just from a single "hey" text. I hate you.



I hate how every time things get hard I wish you would appear out of nowhere. I hate how your random stupid texts always madee my mood a looooot better. I hate how it always felt like a freaking canon in D is playing when we texts. I hate how your presence never fails to make my heart beats a little bit faster that I can't be myself when you're around because I wanna look good in front of you and I want your attention (this is so stupid btw) I hate the fact that your smile is so breathtaking even when you're not that handsome (this is my opinion ok). I hate how I am sooooo used to having you around that when you suddenly stop responding to my texts it hurts like hell. I hate that you are always the right medicine to whatever pain I'm having. I hate how sometimes it feels like you're treating me a little bit special than others when you actually don't. Am I being delusional? Idk maybe I am :'D



I know you wouldn't be reading this but I really hope that you know this.. You are the kindest male I've ever met. Well I'm not really good at being friends with non-female but out of the few male friends I have, I like you the best. So.....You deserve to be happy. You really do. Sometimes I just want to stop this act and just confess to you so that you'd know that there's actually someone out there that likes you for whoever you are. I want you to see that you're not that bad as a person. You should treasure yourself more, you know? Back then we talked about you and you were like very insecure about yourself, I really wanted to give you a long-ass paragraph to make you see that you are actually worth it. Well, at least for me lol


So you need to stop being so insecure about yourself. You're great just the way you are. You don't have to be so insecure about your appearance because f that man. Women literally falls for you not for your face but your heart. Really. You can have the ugliest face in this whole world and I would still like you, I would still enjoy having a conversation with you. You're that kind, that fun to be around. You're likable :>  Just, why can't you see that? 


But we haven't talked for like idk..... months? Maybe one day I will actually move on. Maybe one day I'll stop wishing for your texts when things get hard. Maybe one day I'd stop liking you as much as I do now. I really do hope you find your happiness.... Man it hurts thinking about how you can be happy with someone and that someone is not me but that's okay because mencintai tak semestinya memiliki kan? Because someone said this to me and I realised that maybe he's right. It's okay if you're with someone else, I guess? I'm okay.... I want you to be happy doh. I really do. Ugh 



(this is me while writing this heartbreaking confession)

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